INHERITED DISCONTENT
ainsley choi
I see the world with my father’s discontempt
He sees the mistakes of his past etched into my face
And I see the face I will inevitably wear
Does he wish upon me the same fate?
This fear stays dormant within me
It colors underneath my eyes with exhaustion
It cracks lines on my forehead for grief to trace
I allow it to murder who I could have been
So it boils my adolescence alive.
In its place my cruelty becomes my starved child
It has learned to take what it needs
To fragment what it does not understand
To carry the weight of what I am not
And so I care for it the only way he has taught
I raise it in the shame of what I have become
In the absence of the kindness I have never known
Drowned in the same resentment that set me alight
My father and I have sacrificed much of ourselves
Until all there is left to give is unfulfillment
Shaped under the familiarity of disapproval
No stranger to begrudging responsibility
Will I come to bleed the expectations of my own?
I'm Ainsley and a soon-to-be highschool senior this fall. My most recent aspiration is to be able to pursue a degree in journalism next fall and dabble in more creative writing throughout the year. With that said, I've always enjoyed reading and listening to poetry specifically since I see it as a wonderful outlet to channel strong feelings into art. When not struggling to find metaphors to describe my mental state I do enjoy reading young adult fiction and creating niche Spotify playlists based on my everchanging moods. I feel this biography wouldn't be complete without mentioning my immeasurable disdain for coriander.