SOMETIMES I WONDER
ani
Sometimes i wonder
If she watches us
The red and burning
The blood and bones and aches and tire
The tears and laughter
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Sometimes i wonder
If her face is littered with the same tears that litter mine
Tears that fill my veins (my organs drowned this time last year)
And sing me to sleep
Does she feel them too
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Sometimes i wonder
If she sings
Familiar lyrics of hope and destruction
Paint against a page
Art that possesses us and tames us just for a minute
Then lets us destroy our perception of reality (isn’t art the real ghost)
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Sometimes i wonder
But what good is wondering if she isn’t here to wonder with me?
IT REMINDS ME
Don’t you find it stunning? The reminders
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The places that find themselves cemeteries and libraries for our memories
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The waves of music and the paint smudge on her dress
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The common phrases, catalysts of creation
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the things that remind us.
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Because it reminds me, everything reminds me,
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Of the family with wine and love in their bloodstreams,
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And the friends with books on my shelf.
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And i love this
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In my silk satchel,
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My own heart is carried
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And I’ll leave little pieces like the ashes from the fires we lit on holidays long gone, and to come
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Our hearts are in the things we see the least
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The little reminders
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Don’t you find it stunning?
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Because when that reminds me
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I know it carries and shares and buries…
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The very pieces of my heart.
My name is Ani (she/they) and I'm an artist and writer with a penchant for symbolism and emotional work. My pieces are highly personal, inspired by areas of my life such as relationships and grief. My submissions for this issue are titled 'Sometimes I Wonder' which is a look into grief and loss, both of those living and passed on, and 'It Reminds Me' which is a look into emotions themselves and the concept of sentimentality. I also work with flash fiction, articles and more visual arts, I've recently been heavily inspired by Tennesse Williams, Ocean Vuong and Nan Goldin.
Instagram & TikTok: @anisramblings