INTO THE SUNLIGHT
s.c augustine
I read Sappho at the crack of dawn,
deep orange clouds,
the screeching crows wake me from my ever-present yawn.
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Oh, to be like the birds in the sky which I see spreading their wings to fly,
I long to be so free, perhaps then I could finally be me.
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Freedom means openness,
I don’t want to hide in the closet, don’t want to fear people discovering my secret.
Loving girls is a joy, no one should ever dare to destroy,
the sapphics deserve happiness too,
and I deserve to dream about you
But I only watch her from afar, and she’ll always just be my star,
unreachable in the heights of the sky, yet so beautiful, every time she passes by.
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And when I look into her eyes, it feels like drowning in this green pattern and
forgetting all my whys, for she’s my path out of the cavern and into the sunlight.
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She looks at me and smiles, she gives me all these signs,
but what if she is just being friendly and wants nothing more than to befriend me?
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I don’t know, if she is just being polite,
or if she, too, dreams about me every night.
Her compliments confuse me, and still make me happy.
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And I miss her so much, it is not fair for society to judge about my love for another female,
for she is the only one I could write a happy love tale about.
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So, who would want a man, if you can just be with a girl?
Her hair curls around her neck,
and not being with her would wreck my heart,
and shred my soul into parts.
And I would just see a blur from the tears,
oh, how didn’t I realise sooner I’m one of the queers?
I am 18 years old and I am from Germany. I just graduated from German high school a few months ago and at the moment I am currently applying for an au pair year and after that I want to study Creative Writing or something related to literature. Ever since I was 7 or 8 years old, I always dreamed of becoming a writer. I started to write little stories back then and I have so many drafts of novels that I started to write. I also write poetry sometimes. And I have always been a great reader. Just recently, half a year ago, I finished writing my first novel completely and I am so proud of myself for that. I plan to try and get that novel, or the one I am currently writing, published one day. That would be my absolute dream! I also discovered, 2 years ago, that I am queer, I like girls. I started to include diversity in my works, because it is important that any kind of underrepresented group gets the representation they need and deserve. The poem 'Into the sunlight' is specifically about sapphic love and liking girls as a girl. Parts of it also describe the experience of having a crush on a girl who is obviously straight or who you don't know the sexuality of. My inspirations for my poetry are definitely Sappho and Taylor Swift. The morning I started writing this poem I had just finished reading "Come Close" by Sappho and I was so motivated to write myself something about girls.